As a child, I learned to skip rope singing “eenie meenie miney moe, catch a (n-word) by the toe.” Even now, when I hear that tune, those words come to mind. I’ll never shake that and other remnants of the racial norms and racism of the culture, neighborhood, school and family I grew up in. It’s what I choose to do with it that defines my character, allows me to shape loving friendships across racial lines, and contributes to the collective evolution of our community.

Every reader knows recent events have linked “Rochester” and “racism” in headlines across the nation. Even if we assume the college students and the weatherman were unconscious or unintentional in their behavior, the ancients remind us: “in vino veritas”. Perhaps, when our minds are clouded or we’re speaking fast we don’t see that racist tidbit sneaking out of our past and, therefore, don’t stop it before it comes out. Not seeing it and feeling its offense is a privilege only white people can have. So here’s what you and I can do the next time it happens:

1.  Recognize the behavior as racist. This means seeing it through the eyes of those we’ve offended and feeling the pain of the offense.
2.  Take responsibility. When there’s no one else to blame, we become responsible for change.
3.  Apologize. This connects us to the people we’ve offended. It must be authentic, truthful and timely (no one believes a long-delayed apology; it’s insulting and feels like it was contrived for public relations); and it cannot be conditional (no one believes an apology that begins “If I offended you …”).
4.  Our lessons must be life-changing. Our lives and behaviors will change only if we work to understand why we committed the offense in the first place.
5.  Commit to change. If the students and their college, the weatherman and his station, learned from their experiences, then their next step is to work to change their behaviors and the behaviors of those around them. They will work to model anti-racist behaviors and they will become agents of change; standing against racism, preventing it and calling it out.

There is no denying that individual and systemic racism exists in Rochester. Experts put it at the heart of our intergenerational poverty and education troubles. It exists because we – you and I – let it. We can change this. Indeed, in Rochester, only we can change this.

Change will happen when each of us works on the racism in ourselves, challenges it when we see it in others, and takes steps to undo it when it’s evident in our schools, healthcare, politics and economy. Silence is not an option.

Hank Rubin is a board member of The Children’s Agenda, retired VP of Rochester Area Community Foundation and former advisor to the US Commission on Civil Rights.